Even Steven - A Selection From "Short Shorts"

A true story from my days as a Paramedic with the Los Angeles Fire Department

EVEN STEVEN

I could hear the teletype winding up before the phone even rang.

Picking up the phone, the only thing running through my foggy mind is that this is the 4th call after midnight. Ugh.

I slither into my sky blue jumpsuit and slip into my boots. I don't even bother zipping the boots up. I look a mess, I know.

I kick the bed next to me. "Hey, Jessie. C'mon, we've got another one."

Grumbling, Jessie starts pulling on the jumpsuit and I stumble to the pole, lean my shoulder into the thing and half fall, half slide down to the ambulance bay. I grab the teletype printout and have a seat and wait for Jessie to get his slow butt down to the rig.

"What are we doin'?"

"Santa Monica and the 405. Traffic collision."

Jessie fires up the rig, hits the lights and heads down Wilshire. No sirens. Heck, this time of night the only thing that sirens do is remind the locals that they need to call an ambulance for sumthin.

Judging from the number of cop lights we see when we round Sepulveda, this is more than a fender bender.

"Cripes."

I am assuming that the hulk of sheet metal and glass squished up against one of the overpass pillars used to be a car. Already, I'm on the radio, asking for some help. "OCD, Rescue 37 we need an engine here for manpower."

"Roger, Rescue 37."

One of LAPD's finest approaches as we roll to a stop.

"Looks like the driver bought it but his passenger got thrown clear. He's over there on the sidewalk"

I don't need to tell Jess to grab the board and trauma kit. Seasoned and street wise, he's got a bead on the situation.

I shift my trusty flashlight from hand to hand as I put on my latex gloves. There's this new thing called Aids going around and I ain't catchin' it.

This guy's in trouble. He's been thrown about 30 feet from the car and he's unconscious. He's got road rash and blood all over his upper body. Already, he's got raccoon eyes and with each exhale, a little flotilla of blood bubbles escape his cracked and broken lips.

Jessie arrives and stabilizes the guy's head. I grab a 8 Macintosh and put in a breathing tube, moving him as little as possible since the chance of neck injury is pretty good in this case.

Engine 37 (the boys) arrive and help us get him strapped to a backboard. They also set up a couple of Ringers in the back of the rig.

We were onscene for all of about six minutes. Jess is driving towards UCLA like a bat outta hell and I'm on the radio.

"UCLA ER, Rescue 37!"

"This is UCLA. Go ahead, 37."

"UCLA, we're enroute code 3 with an approximately 35 year old male, victim of a traffic collision. He was ejected from the vehicle. High speed impact. He is unconscious with multiple contusions to his chest and head. Right pupil is fixed and dilated. No peripheral pulse, carotid is 120 and weak. We've got him boarded and intubated, 2 large bore IVs running wide open. ETA 2 minutes."

"Copy that, Rescue 37. We'll see you in a few."

I got one of the firefighters riding with me in the back. He's bagging the guy while I try and get more than just a meatball assessment done. I look up and our eyes meet. Neither of us need to say a word. We know the score and this guy ain't coming out to play anymore. He's permanently benched.

A hard left turn tells me we're in the lower level garage that serves as the entrance to the UCLA ER. I can see the red lights leaving crazy zig-zag patterns on the Beemers and Benzes (DOCTOR PARKING ONLY).

The trauma doc and a cloud of nurses and techs meet us at the door. He's whisked into Trauma 1 and the cacophony rises as we transfer him to the hospital guerney and get the hell out. Best to get scarce and let the folks do their job. Besides, the back of the rig looks like a bomb went off and I need to get it ready to roll.

I'm heading past Trauma 1 with fresh supplies and a ham sandwich from the triassic era. I hear them call the code: "Time of death, 03:57."

Out at the ambulance, I hear the scream of a motor and screeching tires. A little 4-door Datsun comes barreling around the corner and damn near hits the ambulance.

A short, panicked, young hispanic man hops out of the driver's side.

I yell, "Hey, what the hell do you..."

He's yelling at me, gesticulating wildly. The only words I can make out are, "Por favor!"

He yanks open the back door and I see her. Sweating like crazy. Breathing through pursed lips and grunting. Her legs are slightly apart as she lays on the back seat.

I already know what I'm gonna see when I look.

Sure enough. She is crowning. Not just a little either. No time to call for help, half the baby's head is out.

I get to play catch. I guide the rest of the head, the shoulders and before I know it, a little girl is squirming and crying in my arms.

It's about now that Jessie shows up. Takes a look and turns 180, mumbling something about getting help.

I cut the cord, give bambina to mom and grab a towel to wrap the newborn.

By this time, the ER staff is on the way out the door, pushing a guerney.

Later, as I was restocking the rig I had a chance to reflect upon what just happened.

I saw one go out of the world, I brought another one in.

Even Steven

Supporting A Good Cause

While I was doing my research into all things Nicaragua for my possible Ex-Pat departure from the US, I came across a project there that instantly grabbed my heart. You know what I mean, I'm sure of it. Something that feels so right that you are powerless to resist helping in whatever way you can. Barrio La Planta Project (BPP) hit me like that.

Nicaragua is arguably the poorest country in all of Central America and while this statistic is daunting, it has done nothing to change or deter the attitude of the warm and resourceful people who call it home. With that said, parents there want what all parents want: a bright future for their children. For many in the San Juan Del Sur community on the Pacific coast, BPP is providing that opportunity by offering English classes for the children.

We are living in a world that is shrinking in many ways and these Nicaraguan children that learn English will have many more opportunities presented to them as they reach adulthood through their mastery of the English language.

BPP is only able to provide this excellent program through the sponsorship of the children who attend the classes. Last year I chose to sponsor two of these great kids. Please allow me to introduce them:




They work very hard at their studies and BPP provides a regular update of their progress. I'm super-proud of them.

Don't think for a moment that BPP is providing just boring old English classes. We are talking about kids here so there are tons of creative and rewarding activities to keep them engaged.

To get a real sense of these activities, take a moment to check out the BPP page over on Facebook. There are tons of great pictures that give a real sense of what this worthwhile project is all about.

If you would, please take a moment to consider visiting the BPP website to find out what it takes to sponsor one of these great kids and give them a real chance at a stellar future. I think they are worth it.

And One More Thing

BPP has just started their 2016 Holiday Fundraiser. This is a great opportunity to contribute without any sponsorship commitment.

This video is just 2 minutes long but says so much.  Thank you for watching it.

You Need To Give Twitter A Try

But I don't get Twitter!

Ahh, but you will. I promise. It will be painless, enlightening, informative and entertaining.

A Little History

Twitter fired up in 2006 and I joined in 2008. At the time I had a writing business and Twitter was moving on up. It was a great opportunity to network with other writers. I gotta tell ya, it was hard at first. I remember staring at my page with 7 followers going, "Man. I don't know about this." Like anything worthwhile, I stuck with it, put in a little effort and before I knew it I was on cruise and having a great time. Currently I'm following 4272 and have 5747 followers and I've tweeted over 47,000 tweets. Yeah, I'm a bit of a blabbermouth over there.

How It Works

It really is not all that complicated. A tweet is a short message that is limited to 140 characters that can be seen by anyone who follows you. See? That's not so tough. You get to see all of the tweets of the people you follow. If you see something you like from one of the people you follow, then you simply hit the retweet button and that tweet can now be seen by all of the people who follow you. That's it.

I've seen Twitter grow up quite a bit. At first there were virtually no images - it was all text. No videos or anything. Now, there are images, videos, polls, you name it.

Following

The first question new Twitterers ask is, "How in the Hell do I figure out who to follow?" It is a really good question. Of course you can start with me. :-) @GeorgeAngus After that a little searching is in order. Quite a few of your Facebook friends are likely on Twitter so click in the search bar and start typing names. You can review profiles to make sure you've found who it is you are seeking. Click the follow button and there you go.

The really cool thing about Twitter is following people who have the same interests as you. And it is so easy to do. I'm sure you've seen or heard of hashtags, right? That pretty much has been a Twitter thing from the beginning. Are you looking for fellow quilters? Type #Quilting or #Quilts, or #Quilters in the search bar and dozens of people will appear who have used that hashtag. Follow them and in all likelihood they will follow you back.

It's also cool to follow any celebrities or public figures that trip your trigger.

What Do I Tweet?

It's wide open. That's the short answer. Say something in 140 characters or less. Be witty, engaging and genuine. See what others are tweeting about and jump in the conversation. As well, you can't go wrong retweeting things you like. It's about being social. To give you an idea, I tweet about 15% original George stuff and the other 85% are retweets. Retweeting is a great way to be social and build followers.

Tips

• Choose a good name. See if yours is available, if not then choose one that works for you.
• Put some thought into your profile. Add some hashtags so folks with the same interests can find you.
• You MUST absolutely, positively have a profile picture. Otherwise, your profile pic is an egg. Nobody wants anything to do with an egg so set yourself up for success and upload a good image.
• Have patience. Yes, it is hard at first but the followers will come.
• Do not use services such as TrueTwit which requires followers to be verified before they can follow you. Universally hated, and for good reason.
• Grow your followers organically. Fer crying out loud do NOT pay for followers.

What I Like About Twitter

• It moves fast. Since I have about 4000 I'm following, tweets build quickly. If I'm in a social media mood, I'll go to Facebook for ten minutes and come back to 300 new tweets.
• It's a great source for news - in the sense that you find out stuff right away. And it's just as accurate as anything else on the Internet if you catch my meaning. 
• I can immediately engage with anyone who has the same interests as me.
• Unfollowing someone who turns out to be a knucklehead is quick and painless.

There. That wasn't so hard, was it? Head on over, sign up and give it a whirl. I'd be interested in hearing about your experience and I'm all about answering any questions you may have.

My Car Is A Total Loss - Now What? Part II

In Part I of this article, I got the ball rolling by describing the basics of what a total loss is all about. In Part II, I'll give you some pretty nifty information to help you complete your journey through the total loss maze.

I know you didn't read the Disclaimer in the first article so here it is again

Disclaimer - Important! Don't Skip!

I'm an auto damage adjuster for a large insurance company here in Alaska. The information here is certainly applicable to Alaska but don't go all Milly-Vanilly on some poor adjuster because "George said..." Also, even if you are in Alaska, check with your insurance company - always - before proceeding. Every total loss claim is different so it's possible that the information here may not apply to your 1969 Ford LTD claim. Take this as it's meant: Generally Speaking.

Where were we? Oh, that's right. Your adjuster gave all of the information about your car to the valuation service and we're awaiting its return with bait-like breath.  Here is where a little patience can come in handy. Sometimes the value will come back right away, sometimes it takes a little longer. It kind of depends on the car. Remember, the valuation service is going to try and find comparable vehicles so if your vehicle was a later model Chevy truck, there will probably be a lot of comparables available. If on the other hand your car  was a replica of the station wagon used by the Griswolds in Vacation then the service might have to do a bit more research.

Oh, Goody. The Value Came Back

Once the adjuster receives the value, they should be giving you a call to present the figures. The only thing that could delay that call is if the value is higher than the adjuster's authority. If the adjuster's authority is $20,000 and the value comes back at $25,000 then the whole shootin' match needs to go up the flagpole and get saluted by a supervisor. This prevents the adjuster from making seriously stupid mistakes. In my company I think this is referred to as "George's Law" but I can't be certain.

In Alaska, the settlement amount that will be presented consists of the value (ACV) plus the title fee (currently $15) plus the prorated remainder of the registration minus a deductible (if owed).

The Two Pathways of Total Loss

Now that we know how much the car is worth, there are two distinct pathways for settlement. The first pathway, and by far the most common is for the insurance company to pay you the full value for the vehicle, and then sell it at an auction to try and recoup some of the costs. Only in the most rare of circumstances will it be crushed or parted out.

On the second pathway, the owner chooses to keep the vehicle. Sometimes this is a really good idea and sometimes it falls into the "Hold my beer and watch this!" category. It may be a good idea to keep it if:

• It's a older car and it didn't take much damage to total it.
• It doesn't have any structural (frame) damage.
• It's been a great, reliable car and you don't mind a little ugly.
• Your buddy is a TV repairman and he has the ultimate set of tools.

It's a bad idea to keep it if:

• The damage is extensive or structural.
• You have a loan on it that is close to the settlement amount.
• You don't have the time, energy or neighbors to deal with a twisted hulk of sheet metal taking up valuable driveway space.

If you choose to have the insurance company take the vehicle, the settlement will be structured as above. If you choose to keep the vehicle, the structure of the settlement changes. It's important to know that the ACV never changes. It doesn't matter if you keep the car or not. With that said, the insurance will not reimburse the remaining registration (Why would they? You will still have the car), any applicable deductible will still be deducted and the insurance company will subtract a "buy-back fee." This buy-back fee (also known as a guaranteed salvage bid) is the minimum amount the insurance company would receive if they had kept the vehicle and sold it at auction. Salvage bids vary wildly and can range from a hundred dollars to literally thousands.

Show Me The Money!

This is everyone's favorite or least favorite part. It's a perspective thing. Now that the settlement is done, how does the money work?

Let's look at the simple stuff first. If you do not have a loan and you are holding on to a title with your name on it then the adjuster will arrange to meet with you, have you sign the title over to the insurance company and give you a check. If you are keeping the car then the adjuster will take a copy of the title to establish ownership then give you a check. Easy-Peasy. Done.

Having a loan complicates things but nothing too ridiculous. First and foremost, the insurance company is obligated to protect the interest of the lien holder. That means they get paid first. I'll give you an example: If the value of the car is $10,000 and you still owe $8000 then the bank will get a check for $8000 and you will get a check for $2000. There is another side of this coin and unfortunately a lot of folks end up in this position. The dreaded "upside-down" scenario. The car is worth $10,000 and you owe $12,000. Rut-ro. The bank will get the check for the full settlement amount of $10,000 and you will need to have a difficult conversation with the lender. In either case though, the bank will release the title to the insurance company.

You say you have gap insurance? Stand up, take a bow, go to the head of the class. Gap insurance makes up the difference between what the car is worth and what is still owed. Never - and I mean never buy a newer vehicle without it. Please note that gap insurance is not something you buy through your regular auto insurance. It is typically purchased at the dealership through a 3rd party vendor or through the lender.

And that's it! You've made it through the total loss maze with nary a scratch. Well, hopefully.

What Can I do To Help?

What a great question, and I'm so glad you asked.

• As soon as you gather your wits after the accident find your title. Clear up any issues immediately so that when it's time to get the check there won't be any delays. If you haven't changed the title to your name from when you bought it, skeedaddle down to DMV and get it done asap. In short, no titley -no checkey.
• Please communicate. Any issues, concerns or problems are best addressed early on. And while I'm at it, if you do not have voicemail set up, please do it. This is an important business matter and lack of voicemail can really slow things down.
• Before any accident even happens, keep and organize any receipts for aftermarket items and maintenance work. For that matter put your title in a safe place and never ever ever keep it in the glovebox.
• If you are asked to complete a form such as a Limited Power of Attorney, do your due diligence and complete it as directed and in a timely manner.

I want to thank you for taking the time to read these articles. It is my hope that the article will never apply to you.

Feel free to comment and let me know what you think.

My Car Is A Total Loss - Now What? Part I

Disclaimer - Important! Don't Skip!

I'm an auto damage adjuster for a large insurance company here in Alaska. The information here is certainly applicable to Alaska but don't go all Milly-Vanilly on some poor adjuster in another part of the country because "George said..." Also, even if you are in Alaska, check with your insurance company - always - before proceeding. Every total loss claim is different so it's possible that the information here may not apply to your 1969 Ford LTD claim. Take this as it's meant: Generally Speaking.

My Purpose Here

So, you are having an exceptionally bad day. Your ride is broken - your fault or not - and insurance is telling you that it is a total loss. For most folks this is a first-time scenario and the road ahead looks scary and fraught with danger. My purpose here is to help folks to understand the process, take away some of the fear and provide enough information to help make it through the maze.

What IS A Total Loss?

Strictly speaking, a total loss is a financial consideration and nothing more. A car is "totaled" when it would cost more to repair it than what it is worth. The most important thing is to know that nothing else is taken into consideration. It doesn't matter if your dad gave you the car and it has tremendous sentimental value, it doesn't matter if you've had it since you were a teenager and you were going to pass it on to yours, and it doesn't matter if you really really really do not want it totaled. It is strictly a numbers game. Harsh, I know, but reality nonetheless.

How Does The Process Work?

It goes something like this: The adjuster (or sometimes a body shop) will be assigned to write an estimate. That's always the starting point. Every vehicle has a 17 digit identification number (VIN) that is unique to that vehicle and the adjuster enters that into the estimating software. The parts database is then loaded into that particular file.

The adjuster figures out which pieces of the vehicle are broken and selects them from the parts database to be placed on the estimate. The software is pretty sophisticated and will have the part price as well as labor and paint times. Years ago this was all hand-written using books. Oy.

As items are added to the estimate, the software keeps track of the dollar amount. The program has a very rough number in its head that it thinks this particular year, make and model is worth and when the estimate dollar amount reaches 80% of that number then the total loss threshold is "popped." At that point the vehicle is a total loss.

Okay, Now What?

Since it is now totaled and not going to be repaired, the adjuster needs to risk life and limb crawling around broken glass and McDonalds wrappers and airbags to figure out all of the options on the vehicle as well as the condition of interior items like the seats and such. The adjuster does that because all of that information needs to go to the service that will provide a vehicle valuation, determining the Actual Cash Value (ACV).  Here in Alaska, if the car is not going to be repaired, the insurance company owes for the ACV.

The valuation services determines the ACV through selecting comparable vehicles. In other words, they have a YUGE database of Alaska vehicles that are either for sale or have sold recently. They find similar ones to yours and make adjustments to a base value using say, options yours had and the comparable vehicles don't. This gives a fairly accurate representation for what your car is worth in Alaska.

Please note:

• The valuation service does NOT use book values such as Kelly Blue Book or NADA.
• Unless you specifically have a "New Car Replacement" option on your policy, the insurance company is not paying to replace your car. They are paying the value of the car. Yeah, those commercials from that one insurance company? Most of us in the industry hate that gal and her boyfriend "Brad" too. "New Car Replacement" is a premium option with lots of restrictions so if you have that, be sure and read the fine print.
• If the service does not have comparables for your specific car, then they will use dealer quotes. This means they will call local dealers and essentially say, "If you had this year, make and model of car, with this many miles, equipped this way and in this condition, what would you be selling it for?"

Value Considerations

• Your car is clean, but they are rarely "pristine." Most fall into the default category where no additional value is added, but nothing is subtracted either.
• Unrelated damage. If you have a big ol dent that never got fixed then there will be a subtraction for prior damage. How much? It depends on the damage. We tend to go light in this area and for example use the dollar amount from a used part but not add any labor or paint to the amount
• Tires. Ugh. Tread depth is measured and compared to new to determine the percentage of tread remaining. The problem is that if you spend $800 on a new set of winter tires, they do not add $800 to the value of the car. Plan on them adding more like a hundred. Sorry, but true.
• Customizations
  
  
  Generally no good news here in terms of value. Say you spent two grand on lifting your truck and you spent another three on multi-colored flames down the side. The truck is worth $5000 more now, right? Um, no. Sorry. Those kinds of customizations are considered "personal preference." YOU may pay an additional $5000 to have a truck like that but there are an equal number of folks who won't have a thing to do with it so it's a wash.

In Part II I'll go over what happens once the value comes back and address things like owner retained total losses, lien holders, and a few tips.

Thanks for coming by and if you have anything specific you would like to see in Part II then leave a comment.

For The Love of Nicaragua

Is it even possible to love somewhere you've never been?

Possibly. I mean, I guess so. I probably fall in love on Facebook or Twitter a half dozen times a day.

This (albeit one-sided) love affair with Nicaragua started last year. The idea of possibly becoming an ex-pat came to me and I hit the interwebs. Nicaragua was not my first. I had a little fling with Costa Rica but it didn't stick. More about that later.

Why Ex-Pat?

It's not something to be taken lightly. This highly personal decision is based on profound disappointment in where the country I was born and raised is headed. It certainly is not the country I grew up in and have lived my entire life. I dream of a life more simple. A healthier lifestyle near the ocean which has been a siren song for my entire life. A song that has gone unheeded but always heard.

Becoming an ex-pat is not the same as renouncing your citizenship. Renouncing is another critter entirely and is definitely a black-black-no-tag-back decision. No, an ex-pat just chooses to live in a different country.

Why Nicaragua?

This all started when I downloaded a book, Happier Than a Billionaire . It chronicles the adventures of a couple that dropped out of the rat race and moved to Costa Rica and opened my eyes to the possibility of becoming an ex-pat. It also became the starting point for my fervent research on what it would take to eventually move to Costa Rica.

Ultimately, after reading dozens of articles and watching several forums, Costa Rica fell out of favor. Seems like I'm a few years behind the ball - the story of my life. CR has become very popular and thus the cost of living has skyrocketed (though still far below the US). As well, petty crimes that are rampant throughout Central America have been turning more violent towards the Gringos.

And that's how I stumbled across Costa Rica's neighbor to the north, Nicaragua.

Many of the things that attracted me to Costa Rica can be found in Nicaragua. One of the most compelling are the Nicaraguan people or Nicas. All of my research tells me that they are warm, hospitable folks who work very hard for very little.  The cost of living is certainly attractive as well in that you could live quite comfortably for about $1000 a month.

Since being near the ocean is at the top of the priority list for me, I've shied away away from cities like Managua (pop 2.2 million) and even Granada in the central part of the country. I seem to have landed in the relatively small Pacific side community of San Juan Del Sur.  It has a small ex-pat community and is of course right on the ocean. While more of a surfer, younger crowd place, it looks like a good place to start. There are neighboring rural communities that are close and may be my ultimate landing spot.

Worries?

Sure. There are plenty of them.

• It won't be easy. Some of the things I now take for granted will probably be absent.
• The residency requirements are cumbersome.
• Security. Most crimes are related to petty theft and those are fairly common.
• Bugs and other unknown critters. At least Alaska doesn't have scorpions.
• Health care. Plusses and minuses  and kind of complicated.
• Being so far away from my daughter whom I am sure will want to remain in Alaska.
• The unknown.

On the Plus Side

• My lifelong dream of living near the ocean can be realized.
• A healthier lifestyle will be easier to manage.
• Exposure to another culture might bring me out of my shell.
• An environment conducive to writing.
• Being able to live comfortably upon my retirement.

The Five Year Plan

I'm working on a five year plan. The makes sense for a number of reasons. Primarily, my daughter will be 18 and ready to begin her journey, whatever that may be. Five years will also allow me to save and contribute to my retirement fund. It will also allow me to make several trips to ensure that everything I've seen on the Internet is true. ;-) Finally, it will allow me to become fluent in Spanish.

Is this all a pipe-dream? I don't know. My heart doesn't believe that to be true. I have a burning ember of passion for this deep inside and it's been there nearly a year.

I'm interested in what you think about this grand plan. Have you ever considered something like this?